Thursday, April 9, 2009
Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you . . .
Sorry for the delay . . . "it's so many miles . . . since I met you. Don't even know what I say when I get to you, but suddenly now, I know where I belong. It's many hundred miles, and it won't be long. It won't be long."
And nor will I be - long, there, those hundreds of miles behind.
Today, well, not yesterday, but the day before, it was over. Really over, as in, game over. My lives have been (video game like) exhausted. No more will I rekindle, reignite, assume that life, that position. He has written me off, and I him.
Tonight I spent some time with a lovely and loved man, not the one who has hurt me for months on end. I love him, this one, not like that - well maybe (it has been 5 years), but he cares for me, not like that, I wish. Nevertheless, this guy has seen me at my highest of highs, my very bottoms of lows, and still shows up. Even my ex never tried that; really showing up. I love him this great, curiously complex neighbor,but now is not the time, and maybe it won't ever come. That is fine. For now, I will simply love and adore and revel in his most genuine of company, truly - big sighs of fresh air. With him there is no judgement, or if there is, it's tiny and dissipates, he forgives me, like time.
Alas, my heart is still aching, breaking a bit, although it's mostly broken and done and dust. But tonight thank you RCL for reminding me that my company is cherished and even worthy of footing the bill. I owe you, so much more than dinner.