Saturday, February 27, 2010

wave of love

So, I just want to write, that's all really. Writing is like therapy for me, it makes me feel like I matter, like I have my own niche in this big, little world. I have a lot to say, and sometimes, just a lot to think about. Today I woke up to sun in my neighborhood, yet as I walked up to get my weekend dose of caffeine and buddies, I was sun soaked and misted upon. The rain seems to elude my little neighborhood for as long as possible most days. Yet, due to sisterly weather conditions, in streets with numbers both higher and lower than my own, mist was what the temperate gods ordered. The clouds in the far Western, Southern and Eastern directions were ominous and deep lavender; full of rain and stormy seduction. I couldn't see North, due to the high rises and simple geography, nevertheless, I imagined that way was holding some future wetness as well.

I drove out to my friend Joanne's house on 47th Avenue, just blocks from the beach. Creeping closer towards the Pacific seashore I saw monstrous waves, yes, tsunami style breaks. Wow. Would we hear the warning sirens if need be? If the water wanted to break it's waves on Nevada's borders instead of upon this Gold Coast? Hmmm, no idea. Instead of worrying, my girlfriends and I had a lovely crafternoon. Making and creating streamers and table settings out of silver metallic and pink matte paper for our dear friend's impending nuptials, we sipped champagne and forgot about the tumultuous sea to our left. We talked of Hawaii's current state and then about headpieces and veils, or lack there of.

The sun broke through the windows, warming our working backs and hands, reflecting magnificently off of the shiny supplies; we were content. I read and then saved a fortune that reads: "happiness is contentment." According to said proverb, I was and am quite Happy today, right now.

After not having heard from the man I mentioned in my previous post, for just two days, I began to think and then fret. Nevertheless, as my dearest Mikey often reminds me, when it comes to relationships, both new and comfortably established - I just need to go about my business, living my lovely little life and viewing him, or any man crush, as an addition to, and not defining presence of my days. True story. I thought of M's words and wisdom, stowed my phone and put scissors to paper and enjoyed lady company. A few hours passed, caught up in streamers and glitter, it was only a question of the hour that brought me to my purse and then my phone. A blinking red light. Nice, regardless of who it's from, I am guaranteed to be excited, because it means someone thought of me. Business or pleasure, it glows for me and me only. And while I convinced myself it was not him and not to worry, it was indeed a message from my male interest sent two hours prior, wondering if a champagne Sunday breakfast was possible. Lovely. A Sunday soiree, however, isn't possible, because I will yet again be surrounded by wonderful women and all their estrogen based energy for my best friends' baby shower. I am headed to Santa Cruz for just a few brief hours to celebrate the addition to Jessica's family. She and Matt are expecting. And I cannot wait. They will be moving to New Zealand before the end of next month, where months from now, I will meet said baby. Wow, again.

I foresee a sunny trip to the quaint, nostalgic city that hugs Steamer's Lane. There, I am indeed content, and there I always find happiness thanks to those loves of my life who populate it's lush landscape. Two women, their husbands, a mentor, one baby already here and known, and another form the others on its way - sigh.

I hope your weekend is peppered with, if not soaked by a downpour, tsunami grade level of contentment, of pure happiness.

Sunday, February 21, 2010


I met someone on Valentine's Day. Too soon to know much, except that he is rather dreamy and sweet. He likes hammocks as much as I do, has many tattoos and a somewhat self deprecating sense of humor. He likes a substantial breakfast and is currently in the market for a grown up coffee table. He grilled steak and asparagus for me at the Sunday BBQ where we met. It was a set-up of sorts, our meeting. I had no expectations, truly, for the first time maybe . . . ever? The day after we met, he did some research and got a hold of my phone number to make a date. We went out yesterday, after being in touch sporadically throughout the week. Originally, he'd thought a picnic would be nice, but the forecast was slated to rain on our parade. Instead, we found ourselves at a diner in the Mission, chatting and smiling over juevos rancheros. Then it was off to the Pirate Store for our very own private screening of the fish tank. Seated in the front row's two movie theatre seats, we watched the blow fish flirt with the hermit crab, and followed their lead.

Off to peruse the Valencia corridor and point out my residence, we landed at a little bar to partake in a lovely Saturday cocktail. A bloody Mary with sunshine and perfectly pickled green beans and his company, proved to be the recipe for a perfect late afternoon. I love an early date, and the fact that he scheduled it that way. No nighttime darkness to cloud any potential connection. A punctual fellow, he reminded me about the cable guy coming to his house sometime between 4 and 6 pm. We headed back to wait for said technician and play a game of scrabble. Champagne bubbles and scrabble on the floor in his living room. Just delightful. The first word he scored was appropriate, "soiree." I left after we reaped some of the benefits of cable, having watched a few Iron Chef competitions. So, Saturday from the hours of 1 - 7 pm, I remembered what it felt like to be listened to, admired and at ease in my very own skin. I do indeed hope that Ryan and I get to spend more time together, but if not, I'm so grateful to have been reminded to participate in life and punctuate the fleeting hours of my day with a little more light, leisure and laughter.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Heart (made of) Felt

Here's to hearts on sleeves and chests and open hearts and bruised hearts and hearts in need of resuscitation. Here's to my heart, to your heart and to all hearts on this and every other day.

May your heart be open and loved and held near and dear.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The profound as the practical

I so hope to get down to the nitty gritty of my days, each and every one that presents itself to me. And really look close enough to see the real rainbow illuminated beyond the chaos of telephone wires and ominous, heavily saturated rainclouds.

Thank you Pema
Pema Chodron - Five Slogans of Machig Labdron (my link didn't work, do see this specific clip on youtube)