Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you . . .

Sorry for the delay . . . "it's so many miles . . . since I met you. Don't even know what I say when I get to you, but suddenly now, I know where I belong. It's many hundred miles, and it won't be long. It won't be long."

And nor will I be - long, there, those hundreds of miles behind.

Today, well, not yesterday, but the day before, it was over. Really over, as in, game over. My lives have been (video game like) exhausted. No more will I rekindle, reignite, assume that life, that position. He has written me off, and I him.

Tonight I spent some time with a lovely and loved man, not the one who has hurt me for months on end. I love him, this one, not like that - well maybe (it has been 5 years), but he cares for me, not like that, I wish. Nevertheless, this guy has seen me at my highest of highs, my very bottoms of lows, and still shows up. Even my ex never tried that; really showing up. I love him this great, curiously complex neighbor,but now is not the time, and maybe it won't ever come. That is fine. For now, I will simply love and adore and revel in his most genuine of company, truly - big sighs of fresh air. With him there is no judgement, or if there is, it's tiny and dissipates, he forgives me, like time.

Alas, my heart is still aching, breaking a bit, although it's mostly broken and done and dust. But tonight thank you RCL for reminding me that my company is cherished and even worthy of footing the bill. I owe you, so much more than dinner.

Oh UpROARs

Uproar ***
Valid during many months: A series of sudden and unexpected events will probably strain your nerves to the utmost, making this a difficult time. This is most likely to happen if you have spent the last few years trying to please everyone. Any turmoil in the outside world is merely an indication that you have been seething inside for quite some time. Although it would be understandable if you now felt like packing everything in, this is certainly not the best solution. You will find it hardest to tolerate hypocritical and sanctimonious behavior - whether your own or others'. It is therefore important to clear the air and to honestly consider which aspects of your life reflect your authentic inner nature.

This influence will help you to scrutinize your ideals and visions, and to take your leave from those which are no longer relevant to any important decisions you have to make. For example, you might find that a political party or like-minded group of people of which you were once a member has lost its appeal. A clear decision to take all your imperfections seriously, and not to make lazy compromises, can be both healing and liberating, helping to give birth to new things in your life.

Happy VD!!!! Get it? ha

I received two of the best Valentine cards a girl could ever ask for . . . As a single fawn this year, I must say that I felt the love thanks to some folks. Who might they be . . . Adam J is resoonsible for the Lion Tamer image and thoughts. And then it's sweetest MM who gifted me the words and water color. The heart image comes from My Trick Pony, where last eve Mikey had an opening . . . more to come from last night soon . . . but for now, just this LOVE.

my ever constant valentines

So Say the Stars

Valid during many months: During this time the structures that you have built up in your life will more than ever be challenged by circumstances. Areas of your life that you think are reliable and dependable may cease to be, and you will be forced to make a lot of changes. It is likely that you will feel a strong sense of uneasiness, because you don't know quite what to expect next.

During this time you may discover that you actually don't know what you thought you knew. This influence reveals aspects of life that you haven't considered at all, usually by creating a sudden event that does not fit into the pattern of your life. This is happening now, largely through encounters with others in close relationships or with enemies.

But you are not being "hurt" pointlessly. This influence is letting you know that you don't have all the answers about reality and that there is still room to grow. Look at the situation that way and assimilate what you are shown. The more you resist and try to deny what happens now, the more difficult this time will be.

These words come from my daily horoscope, one that I often chose not to read until my day is done, because it's rather spot on . . .

And then, according to the astrological master, miss Jessica Lanyadoo from the SF Bay Guardian, Gemini is asked the following:

"Have you ever moved out of a crappy apartment into a better place? Even if you're improving your quality of life, it sucks to change. It takes all kinds of effort and it's emotionally draining to make such a big, meaningful shift. Don't let the bummer parts of the process deter you from upgrading your life."

Lots of work I'm discovering on this Saturday a.m. A day that 's supposed to be a day of rest and relaxation. Apparently I've got a new job.

She wants to live by the ocean . . .

I took a long walk today, something that was on my list. I love checking to do's (especially this sort) off. There was a rainbow too, and it almost appeared to follow me the entire time. Coupled with brisk air and my very own soundtrack, today's walk was a simple lesson: I was good company for myself. Hopefully I'll be good company for someone else too.

Happy 2009 To You and Yours

My only hope for the eve of '08 was to be surrounded by those I hold dear, and to clink a glass or two of champagne. My wishes were granted, and then some. Thank you, thanks you. 2009 is looking pre-tty fine.
xo